A Letter to My Best Girl, My Firstborn 

A Letter to My Best Girl, My Firstborn 

Dear Heart and Soul,

Dear First Love,

Dear Daughter,

Any day now and you will no longer be my only. While I am excited to meet your baby brother, my heart is breaking as our days of only us are quickly coming to an end. I ache from missing this time already. For the past 2+ years my whole world has revolved around you, and your wants, your needs, your dreams, and my dreams for you. As the world you’ve known your whole life is about to change, there are some things I need you to know.

I wasn’t ready for you, yet I was so ready for you. I wasn’t ready for the recovery or engorgement. I wasn’t ready to give up my showers, my body, my sleep, my boobs, my hair… or my heart. But you came along and took it anyways, and I’m so glad that you did.

I wasn’t ready to go back to work and leave you. I wasn’t ready for your first words, your first steps, your first gains at becoming the independent girl you are now… I wasn’t ready for my heart to be burst wide open. I wasn’t ready for any of it, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

You forced me to grow up and taught me to love stronger, deeper, fuller, and more selflessly than I ever thought possible. You forced me to become a better person, more compassionate, more sympathetic, more patient. You forced me to give more of myself than I even knew I could. You taught me to be a mother.

You’re the first, my first—my first love—the first baby I’ve told “I love you” to what seems like one hundred times a day. The first baby whose nose I sucked, whose butt I wiped, whose puke I caught, whose pee I just kind of slept in when I was too tired to change the sheets. I made mistakes. I forgot too much. But you loved me anyways. Thank you for loving me anyways.

I’m writing this letter for you, but for me too. Our baby is coming soon… As our family is about to expand, the feelings for me are bittersweet. Because I love you so fully, so completely, so much more than I’ll ever be able to put into words, I’m wondering how I will love another soul as uncontrollably and passionately as I love you… I’ve been told that love is immeasurable, and that it will magically expand tenfold. But when that happens, I don’t want you to feel left out.

So as our world changes and we bring our new baby home, I pray that you never feel second best, or jealous, or ignored. I’m so sorry you will no longer be my only. I’m so sorry for the mistakes I’ve made and the things I’ve forgotten. And I’m so sorry for drastically changing the world as you now know it.

At the same time, I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry for the love you’re about to share. I’m not sorry you’re about to gain a new best friend, someone I pray you love with all of your might and protect all of your days. I’m not sorry, because you’re going to be such a great big sister. I can’t wait to watch you hold him, make him laugh, play with him, teach him things. I can’t wait to watch you love him.

Just always remember that you were my first—I loved you first. You taught me so many things… You taught me how to be a mom. You taught me how to really love. Always remember that you are my best girl. And always remember that every fiber of me loves every fiber of you. I adore you. And these things will never change.

XOXO,

Mommy

 

 

Thank You, Sweet Baby Jesus, for These Mommy Treasures

Thank you to the great Lord above for these too-overlooked inventions many moms (myself included) too often take for granted.

  1. The woombie: a straight jacket made especially for infants. I mean what other option does it give them besides to go to sleep? Seriously. This creation was definitely heaven-sent!
  2. The nose frida, aka the nose sucker. Gives you a vivid image of exactly what is being extracted from your little ones’ noses… By your mouth! I’m a super fan of this miraculous creation. It’s the only time your amount of success is dependent upon the amount of snot you can suck out of another human’s nasal cavity… with your mouth! Super, sticky, monster boogie? Snot that seems to stretch at least a foot? Winner, winner chicken dinner!! But seriously, a life saver! (and works extra great when paired with the wombie). Did I mention you suck out snot… with your mouth?!
  3. Baby fingernail clippers. The tiny contraption which removes the razor sharp weapons growing from your child’s fingers.
  4. Shells and cheese, fruit snacks, and Popsicles. Because if it weren’t for these not-so nutritious foods, I’m not sure my child would ever eat.
  5. Gripe water: the miracle worker in liquid form. For eliminating gas, fussiness, and any other negative elements coming from your baby and morphing your child into the easy, compliant, go-with-the-flow baby you never knew existed.
  6. Last but definitely not least and though uncomfortable, Spanx and sports bras. For somehow managing to suck in the distorted pieces of your new “mom bod” and putting things [close enough to] back in place for at least a little while 😉