As my little family of three is making plans, changes, and room to soon become a family of four, I have many internal anxieties about this expansion.

First of all, when deciding to have a second, I tried researching the perfect age between siblings… And to save you the research time, I couldn’t find a definite answer. It’s all a matter of opinion.

I am glad we chose to do this sooner than later so that my kids have the chance to play together while they’re young and, hopefully, still have things in common when they’re older: experiences neither my husband or I had with our siblings (for the most part), because of such large age gaps.

But then I worry my first child hasn’t had enough time with me yet. I enjoy being all hers, being at her beck and call, and organizing my life around her needs and desires. I don’t want to take anything away from her: attention, love, care, or especially me. I am afraid I’ll have to somehow divide these things when the new baby arrives… And I’m not sure that she’s ready… or that I’m ready to split myself.

We agree, we want our kids to grow up together. We strongly want them to be best friends one day and always look out for each other, even if they fight some at home.

Then, we also don’t want them to ever feel jealous of the other. We want them close enough to want the best for each other and not compare the things we do for each of them. (Hopefully, this will be easier since one is a girl and the other is a boy? Maybe?)

Then I worry about my first child’s feelings. We don’t want Mason to feel left out or abandoned by gaining a new sibling, we don’t want her to lose the undivided attention she has currently, and we don’t want her to ever feel like second best. Because, honestly, a new baby will take a lot of time; I just don’t want it to take time away from her… What if she gets pushed to the back burner and feels jealous, angry, or bitter? How can I ensure she still feels like our number one? After all, she is the one who made me a mother, the one who taught me to love so selflessly, and the one who I adore with all that I am. She is my first love.

On that note, I also worry about loving a second child. I love Mason more than I could EVER possibly even try to put down in writing. There’s no end and no way to measure my love for her. If I love her so completely, so fully, then how could I possibly love the second child the same way or the same amount? I’m so worried about Mason being left out, but what if it’s actually our second child that is left out? Don’t get me wrong, I already love him and haven’t even met him yet… But will my love for him compare to my love for her?

These are probably (hopefully) nonsense worries that moms with two or more children will laugh at. I hope my worries are put to rest, I hope I can be everything that each of my children need, and I hope to shape them into loving siblings. I hope and think that Mason will be the best big sister on the planet. A part of me (the not-so nervous part) is excited to watch her grow this way. Oh, the prayers I have for my children!

Thank you, Lord, for allowing me this situation to even be worried about. I praise You and honor You and all that You are. Please continue to mold me into the Christian, wife, parent, and teacher that You have planned for me to be. Thank You for having my back through all things, and it is because of this I know You will not forsake me but better me as Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.