Pregnancy Turmoil

I remember being pregnant with you… To be frank, I was miserable. I was burning alive, aching all over, stretched to the max, and aching some more. I saw other pregnant moms with this pregnancy glow talking about how they loved being pregnant and feeling their babies move and how pregnancy was what they were meant for. Not going to lie, this scared the be-jeezus out of me, because I didn’t have ANY of those feelings whatsoever.

Yes, I wanted to feel you move, but only enough to know you were still okay. Anything more than that I considered torture. You were nearly two feet long in my abnormally short torso, so neither of us had much room left. I’m sure you were nearly as miserable as me.

But seeing other moms so content and confident made me worry I didn’t have the bond with you that they did with their babies. I had read the horror stories of some moms developing the postpartum blues and rejecting their babies… I was fearful that since I didn’t love pregnancy, I wouldn’t love you. Oh, how I was wrong.

After hours of pushing, I was making silent plea bargains with you: “I’m doing all I can, baby, if you’ll help me out here, I’ll help you out too.” “We’re a team, let’s help each other.” And since I had made you a promise, I would push harder.

Looking back, I realize that I was already attached and just didn’t know it. Then after more hours of the hardest work-out I have ever done in my life (cross-fit has nothing on labor), the doctor threw you in my arms (literally threw you) and you were crying the most beautiful noise I have ever heard in my life and you were the sweetest thing I had ever seen in my life and I was more in love than I ever had been in my life. I remember thinking to myself: “We definitely have the bond.”

And we have been inseparable ever since.

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